Sweet August

It has been a wonderful month.

With it's heights and lows, but great when I think of it as a whole.
I don't want it to end, I want to live in Dream...

My home... happiness flows and shines over things. My magic is made of this. Happiness feeds me - tenderness, care.

It's an adventure - for the first time, it is my whole self on the line.
Unafraid, willing, brave - my stubbornness decided to go for it. It is worth the risk.

Come, let us hide from the world. This is Ours, time is Now. And that is all I care to know...

Happiness

Such a disturbing feeling. I am happy right now. I want to hold you in my arms, and go to sleep in your embrace. I want to spend every day together if we so decide. Or to spend time away from you and then get back and hear all your news and tell you of my discoveries.

I want to keep feeling this way. I know it is bound to pass, but... for now, this is it. The point where I feel safe, and from where all dreams fly, like playful butterflies...

Whimsical me

I sometimes think I'm so easy to please, but in truth, I usually fancy something which is just beyond my reach, or that I can't get by myself but someone else could provide.

I am extremely capricious, and there are days EVERYTHING sounds as something I would like to have. Sometimes it is food, sometimes it is sex, and sometimes it is just my wanderlust that makes me want to travel far (somehow it gets mixed up and i want to travel with a loved one and try new food, so my other urges get combined anyway)

Right now, I want to go to Viña del Mar. I REALLY want to go.

Someone please arrange things and make it happen!

Quoting...

es fácil perder la noción de los límites...... fácil perderse cuando uno entrega mucho...... Y yo entregué todo y más..... pero me cansé..... me cansé de que el tiempo para mí es el que sobra de todo el resto de tu vida, no es mi espacio ni mi tiempo por derecho quizás, porque con todo lo que te quiero creo que me lo he ganado, tiempo mío, sólo mío......

damn... i just had to save this little clipping...

Cant sleep...

Sometimes I just can't sleep

When night comes and I don't want to sleep alone, sometimes the "Pain Pixies™" creep unto my heart and they choke my soul. I want to run, I feel the wanderlust; I want to get away from all my fears.

I wish for a safe embrace, that someone would take me into his arms and that every worry would be erased, i wish that i didn't have to look the other way when something bothered me, that i could feel comfortable and carefree.

I am not in pain, but i'm not complete. I am patient, but sometimes i remember words that do hurt - maybe i truly am spending my time, my energy, for nothing. But I cannot go on thinking that way, so i just do not look at what i fear.



I wish i knew for sure there would be a sweet, safe haven waiting for me.

I want to live, i want to experience. I want to dance, to listen to music, to love, to see things anew.
I want to hold hands, to rest, to wake up.
I need to love, and feel loved.

I hate it when i can't sleep.




O no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I'd said.

O no, what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turn to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

And I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
And oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

O no, I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here am I in my little bubble,

Singing I, I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I, I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.

what if i got it wrong

Inocencia

Qué difícil, poder pensar lo mejor de otros una vez que uno mismo ha sido testigo y actor de cosas negativas.

Requiere un acto de voluntad, un cegarse a lo probable y buscar lo posible, desear en vez de temer, aunque la piel y la mente digan lo contrario.

Qué hacer cuando la luz se esfuma, cuando la dulzura hiere, cuando la oscuridad deja de parecer tan amenazadora y se ve como un refugio, como un olvido.

Despojarse del amor, y tornar a la pasión. Deshacerse de todo vestigio de pureza, y buscar la locura, ignorar la desesperación y hacerla tu aliada.

Pero la tozuda inocencia siempre busca una mano, una guía, una esperanza...

Vivi, nei mei pensieri

seeing you in my tears
in my own reflection
I hear you in the wind that passes through me

feel you in my hunger
you're haunting my ambition
beautifully destructive attraction

climbed to zero G's
now falling like a rock
drugged and digitized you inside a dream

e tu sei per me...

l’aria che respiro
il mio cibo, ciò che osservo
magico sei tu! E io sento che...
Sono innamorata di emozioni
smisurate, infinite ormai!

a velveteen equation

I find you in my fears
and in my fascination
I taste you in safe water and it drowns me

paranoid and peaceful
inside a sweet addiction
velvety electrical reaction

soft insanity
and I can't make it stop
live hallucination within a dream

e tu sei per me...

l’aria che respiro

il mio cibo, ciò che osservo
magico sei tu! E io sento che...
Sono innamorata di emozioni
smisurate, infinite ormai!
vivi, nei miei pensieri.

a velveteen equation

magico, questo è un grande amore
magico, questo è un grande amore

...songs that i sing to you...

This is the song of a kingfisher girl
Who sits by the side of the River of Life
And files in her mind over seven sad seas
Fiery her wings as so brightly she sings

Songs that are sweetened by one million moons
Songs that are mystic, exotically tuned
--songs that I sing to you

Sing, sing, sing out this song
Let it be heard all over the world

Cry, cry, cry silver tears
This is the song of "Wish You Were Here"

This is the song of a kingfisher girl
Who dives in the waters of love's diamond depths
Who catches the fish that swim all through her blood
Sensually shining to taste on the tongue

The taste of dark honey that drips from the sun
The taste on these lips where all spices are spun
--ever, eternally... on...

Sing, sing, sing out this song
Let it be heard all over the world

Cry, cry, cry silver tears
This is the song of "Wish You Were Here"

Fly, fly, coated in fire
Kingfisher girl, lone star of the sky

Dive, dive, dive into time
A moment alive where we'll never die

Cry, cry, cry silver tears
This is the song of "Wish You Were Here"

Expiration dates

I have written about the beauty of finite things, about knowing that you have to make the most of them and enjoy them.

That time I recalled the movie Shadowlands, and it's quote "The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal"

It hasn't been so long, but I wanted to know if anything had changed. I don't think so - I still want that which makes me happy very close, and never think about losing it. I turn the certainty of an ending into an illusion.

Everything has an expiration date - we all do. All our relationships, our lives, our belongings. "This too will pass" read the wise man's ring. But until the time comes...

We can pretend that moment does not exist. We can pretend, and live, and create.
I still fear to feel a sense of loss - but I'm braver now. I will not avoid the feeling just because it will hurt less in the long run. I would rather hurt, than deny my what i feel, what i am.

After all, I could die tomorrow. I need to live as much as i can, today.